My Story
Part I
October 9, 2009
Hope you are enjoying a wonderful 2009-2010 school year. Quite a few changes have taken place in my home over the past year and I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can share some of my story. This is not a normal update and not something I ever thought I’d be posting to my readers/visitors/customers. I pray you receive this well and sincerely appreciate your prayers for my family.
Since starting NotebookingPages.com back in 2006, there have been many ups and downs for my family. Those of you who have been around since then have probably noticed I’ve been less busy with new products and freebies and that the emails are fewer and far between. I appreciate your emails as you have been inclined to pray and touch base with me.
Last year, I was made aware of the root of many of the issues that have been hurting my family. As much as I like to share the happenings of our family as well as what we have found works and doesn’t work in homeschooling, homemaking, etc., some things are just very personal. So, I’ve kept to myself much of the past year for a variety of reasons, but mostly just to protect myself and my children and to retreat with the Lord. Now, with much of this behind me, many wounds healed, I feel it’s time to share. I feel I have a responsibility to share for a number of reasons.
I found out last year that my husband of 14 years had been unfaithful multiple times and for some extended periods of time throughout our marriage. I was totally clueless until the last few months we were together. This information opened up a whole world I never knew about, a world and a man that had been hidden from me. This unveiling helped me to make sense of many things. Lots of “aha” moments. Lots of “oh dear” moments. Lots of just feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me moments – over and over and over again as I began piecing together so many puzzle pieces from all the years.
Last fall, as I contemplated all my options/choices/etc. and it was evident that reconciliation wasn’t possible, I began turning my focus back to the dreams the Lord placed upon my heart back in 2006 when He first brought the idea and beginnings of NotebookingPages.com to me. Since those early days in 2006, the Lord has blessed me with vision for the future and for my kids, as I’m sure many of you have experienced in your own journey of homeschooling. Specific desires and dreams for ministry, not just for NPC, but for the community in which I would live and for my kids have been growing since those first days.
Now, with all that’s happened and with the knowledge that the Lord was not at all surprised by my circumstances, I see clearly that He has been making preparations for this period of my life for quite some time. He knew what was coming, then and now, and knew what I needed. He put many provisions in place for me and my children. I had to fight to an incredible degree this past year to keep NotebookingPages.com in my possession. I finally came to the point of realizing that this vision God put in me was born from Him and that He would be the one to keep it going. So I released the business/ministry as well as everything else to Him and prayed for the faith to leave it in His hands. Many things did not go well. Many days I did not keep the faith as I should have, but He loved me through it and taught me much. Keeping the business, the dream, the vision, meant losing almost all of what was my “home” (physically & materially). However, in return, I have learned even more how true God is to His word and how when we take the time to really listen, He is speaking and leading all the time. He prepared me as well as my kids during a week of shared quiet times (prior to learning of all that was going on) for this period of financial/material loss we have experienced. We have learned, our “home” is with the Lord; it’s eternal and not something that can ever be taken from us. He never leaves us or forsakes us and He does work all things together for our good.
It’s been a year of many, many blessings as the Lord has shown me His provisions, His hand in preparing me for this time in my life, and His overwhelming love and grace in getting me through some very bitter moments and times where I didn’t feel connected with myself anymore. He has brought new friends into my life as well as many old friends. He’s surrounded me literally with family. My children and I have been living in my parents’ basement for almost one year now and surprisingly we’re all still alive and well LOL. It’s tight as you can imagine! Maybe I’ll post some photos of our creative use of space some time. 
I am also very blessed to have an old friend of mine walking with me now, taking on the role that God intended for him and intended for me. His story and mine met up at an incredible time in both of our lives and once again, as God has shown me over and over throughout this whole period of my life, He is in control and has a plan, a dream, a vision for my future.
Thanks for making it this far in “my story”. I pray that as I dive back into the work and ministry of NotebookingPages.com, the Lord will bless us both. Many ideas have been sitting on the back-burner for years now, waiting for me to have the time to really dig into them. Now is the time. Many things in my homeschooling have had to change. Thankfully, I’m still able to homeschool, although I’m much more limited in time than ever before. We’re trying some new things, doing some old things with new flair, and doing some things exactly the same because it just feels familiar and familiar feels like “home”. Stay tuned to the blog for more on that.
With my greatest thanks and love to my many notebooking friends, customers, and family for all of your love and support these past few years, blessings to you and yours,
Debra @ NotebookingPages.com
PS…
I know many will feel compelled to comment and I welcome them. However, for some reason, comments are not working on this page. Please refer to the post here if you’d like to comment (or read others’ comments): http://pursuethejourney.com/2009/10/personal-update-from-debra. I understand the nature of this update is not what you would commonly find coming from me or from any of your other homeschooling publishers. However, one thing I’ve learned is that moms, homeschooling moms especially (maybe?), need to be honest with each other. We need to stop hiding behind these masks of perfection. For years I’ve hidden behind a mask hiding a marriage and issues because of my place in the church and in the homeschool community. I allowed myself to hurt because I feared what others would think. I hope my honesty here in this email will if nothing else help to dispel the idea that any of us truly have it ALL together.
Part 2
July 2010
It’s been almost two years since I moved into my parents’ basement to start this new path in God’s journey for my life. Since then, my children and I have learned many things about ourselves, each other, our Lord & Savior, and just exactly what it means to lose everything we thought was ours for the keeping. We have also learned that with loss, with trials, with pain comes the blessings of God’s provision, the blessings of God’s grace, and the blessings of God’s amazing love that ALWAYS works for our good when we put our trust in Him. He is never shocked by our circumstances and always has a plan.
During this time, I found a renewed relationship with an old friend from my childhood. Our lives criss-crossed at an opportune time and God used a variety of circumstances to bring our families together. We’ve known each other for over 30 years, our parents still live on the same street, and it was his dad that ultimately, although indirectly, brought my dad to the Lord almost twenty years ago.
Brian has two children and is no stranger to the pain of adultery and broken marriage. Although he grew up in a solid Christian home (his dad was my Sunday School teacher), he never fully (or truly) gave his heart to the Lord until after he saw how miraculously God was working to bring us together. He watched his dad battle cancer a few years prior and that, in conjunction with his own broken marriage, had almost wiped out any faith he had in God. Since fully accepting Jesus as both his Lord and Savior, he has become a man of faith, strong will, and wisdom to teach me things I never knew I needed to learn. We now both know that through all the circumstances that have taken place in these past few years, God was working to bring both of us and our children the “good” that He promises.
Brian & I were married in April and we moved our new family to a beautiful home away from the suburbs on a 3 acre plot of land/woods. The home is exactly what we needed for our blended family of nine children, our homeschooling needs, and business needs. Nature abounds outside our windows and we have a state park and river access very near to our home. It’s absolutely perfect in every way . . . truly a sanctuary to me. After living in a crowded basement for almost a year and a half, it wouldn’t have taken much to please me (LOL), but the Lord has seen to it to bring us more than we ever could have dreamed for ourselves.
To top it all off, we just recently found out that we are expecting our first child (or maybe two!). I have another ultrasound this Friday to determine if we are having twins. We are all so excited! More on that as we learn more . . .
I have many stories and tidbits I could share with you regarding the past couple of years (or twenty years if you were REALLY interested LOL!), but I want to share probably the most profound thing I’ve ever been told by one of my children. One morning while sitting in Sunday School, in the midst of all the junk that was going on at the time, my daughter Jessie wrote me a little note and passed it across the table that said, “Mom, I just noticed you smile a lot now.” Since then, she’s made many comments about old family photos/videos/etc. and how very sad, tired, and stressed I look. She never noticed it before. That was just “mom”. Now she sees a different woman, a renewed woman, a woman who smiles genuinely, laughs uncontrollably, and isn’t weighed down by the heaviest of life’s trials . . . a woman with joy. I’m so glad she noticed.
I’m so glad I found my smile again. Praise Jesus for all the gifts He gives us great and small!
Many verses have brought me vision, peace, and just overall strength. This is one of my favorites God gave me in the beginning of this journey . . .
Joel 2:23-27 (NKJV)
23 Be glad then, you children of Zion,
And rejoice in the LORD your God;
For He has given you the former rain faithfully,
And He will cause the rain to come down for you—
The former rain,
And the latter rain in the first month.
24 The threshing floors shall be full of wheat,
And the vats shall overflow with new wine and oil.
25 “ So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
And the chewing locust,
My great army which I sent among you.
26 You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
And praise the name of the LORD your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
And My people shall never be put to shame.
27 Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel:
I am the LORD your God
And there is no other.
My people shall never be put to shame.